WHY? Or HOW do I manage to injure myself?

Who gets hurt by a corkscrew? Oh, that’d be me.

Tried to open a bottle of wine, and instead, I opened my skin. Blood everywhere.

Other harmless kitchen objects that I’ve been able to injure myself with include a toaster oven which caused a burn on my arm and a broken glass resulted in a bloody toe.

What about falling in the street? Because I’ve done that several times.

In just one day last week, I went to get my eyebrows threaded, and instead of the lady putting aloe on my brows, as is normal, she sprayed alcohol on them. Later that day, I walked past a building where the window washers were spraying pretty much at eye level and I walked right through that and to end that day, when I was in the grocery store, getting one avocado, three avocados rolled off the display and landed on my left foot.

I wish I was kidding.


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